Are you too nice at work?

Come on, answer truthfully - what is your work-place personality?

Are you the grumpy so 'n' so in the corner, moaning and whinging that nothing is ever good enough?...or

Are you the one who just goes through the motions at work, after all you are only there to pay the bills?....or

Are you the happy, positive and ready to help anyone type?

I want to pay particular attention to the last one; the happy, positive and helpful employee, otherwise known as the nice one.... why? well contrary to popular belief I really believe they suffer the most in any workplace.

I have had several clients recently who have each dealt with some terrible times at work. The results of which have left them depressed, disillusioned, angry and totally confused by their situation.
What’s worse is that they consider themselves to be really positive, loyal, conscientious workers and well.....umm...nice.

If you consider yourself to be in this category of niceness, some of the following statements may seem familiar to you:

"You are great to work with, I wish more people were like you."

"*insert your name* is the really nice one around here, go and see them...they will be happy to help you out."

"It's so great to have you in my team, you are the only one who embraces change."

"Thank heavens we have you, you are always willing to go the extra mile."

"Thanks for doing all that over-time, you were the only one willing to stay late to get the job done."

"I just knew I could rely on you!"

While this is all very complementary and hugely flattering, being nice can also be a huge career limiting factor.

I have found from my experience that nice people tend not to get very far up the corporate ladder and if on the rare occasion they do, it has usually taken them a lot longer than any of their not-so-nice colleagues.


So what do I mean by nice?

Its often includes……

* wearing the big genuine smile

* having the "really happy to see everyone" approach

* showing a positive attitude (especially towards change)

* going-out-of-your-way to help others

* having a really strong team spirit

* towing the company line at all times

Nice people are always the first point of call when someone has a question or needs something doing, even if its outside the nice person’s remit. This can include fixing photocopiers, organising social events and ordering/purchasing some.. ahem …well..unusual 'items' for their boss (my clients have let me in on some very saucy secrets of the corporate world that are definitely not on anyone's job description).

Nice people like a good old natter but they avoid gossip, especially malicious gossip.
They support their fellow colleagues in times of need (they can always be trusted to keep a secret) and support their managers, even when they do not agree with the manager's agenda.

They do not care for office politics and will avoid confrontation.

They are fiercely loyal and are hard conscientious workers - above all they care; they care about their reputation, they care about their colleague's welfare and they care about the company they work for.

Surely all of this sounds like the ideal employee; workers with these attributes should be the ones striding up the corporate ladder - instead they are often the ones left behind, and worse still can be very vulnerable to be taken advantage of, or worse still, be open to bullying.

How being nice, doesn't always pay!

One of the hardest things for nice people to do is to say “No!”

Nice people in the work-place can often end up doing their job and at least the work-load of one other, this is due to their reliability to get the job done, do it well, do it on time and do it with a smile on their face.

Nice is often seen as weak.

If you are kind and caring it is an assumption that you will not make a good manager as you will be unable to make those tough business decisions, especially about team members.

It is therefore considered by those up the management food chain, that nice people are not capable of being responsible for staff and so managerial positions will remain elusive to them.

The office target

The ruthless types in the workplace will sniff out the nice people, regardless of their position. They will befriend the nice person, and over time use their kindness against them in order to climb their way to the top.
This can also escalate into bullying, here the nice person can find themselves in a situation where they are lied about, abused and brought to the point of anxiety and depression.


When nice turns bad!

If the above isn't enough to turn you nice genes off and you still want to fight the good fight, then the final straw can be that small occasion when the nice person turns bad.

It will be the case that 99% of the time the nice person will be positive and upbeat, but there will be times when they will have a bad day or someone or something will leave them feeling frustrated or irked. It will be that remaining 1% which can turn the nice person into a normal human being, who shows signs of disappointment, frustration and anger.

Yes it is a fact; nice people can get p*ssed-off too!

Unfortunately it tends to be unacceptable for nice people to show how fed up they are or display any form of negative behaviour, unlike their, grumpy, moaning, and aggressive counter-parts. What's worse is that negative employees will often be listened to, supported and more interestingly, they will be allowed to get away with their negative behaviour because it is considered ‘normal’ for them.

This often bemuses my clients, they don’t understand how their fellow colleagues can not cut them some slack when it comes to having an off day. It would seem that when nice employees are not on form, it is such a departure from their normal behaviour, that their manager and/or fellow colleagues are shocked.
They are shocked about the acute change in behaviour and so don’t know how to respond. At best they will ignore the scary-nice person or just not take them seriously, at worst, they will complain about them.

My clients have received many comments that range from the ridiculous to the sublime…but the one that seems to get to most of them is.....
“you seem REALLY stressed".

Now, if ever there was a way to stress-out a person who is stressed any more than they already are, it is to tell them that they seem really stressed!


A life beyond nice

It would seem that the only way nice people can get their point across is if they go off sick or if they leave. All of a sudden HR departments and managers want to take notice of the nice employee and inquire vigorously as to why they didn't seek help etc earlier.

There is no need to leave things to breaking point and there is no need to feel ashamed to ask for help or support to increase your skill set.

There are a lot of things a nice person at work can do to improve their prospects. At Best-Coaching we have have many years of experience in this arena and fully understand the situation a nice employee can find themselves in. Changes do need to be made, however they are very easy and manageable and have very powerful results.
In particular, the nice person can benefit greatly from the following:

Learn how to ask for what you want, get it and keep your integrity

Understand how to change your reactions to negative incidents

Deal with anger, so the rare outburst can be handled effectively

Learn to say No and get respect for it

Learn to recognise and manage lazy and manipulative people appropriately

Use stress management techniques that will impress your manager and colleagues alike

So please if YOU are a nice person at work then hoorah for you!
Keep up the good work, and strengthen your position for the future by considering making some key changes.

If you are a team leader/manger/director - give a thought to the nice people in your workplace - think how you can support them so they can grow and take on new roles within your organisation, after all YOU really would be lost without them!